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[11 Jul 2007|12:52pm] this journal makes me miss being kid. i miss being in love. i miss having friends i would die for. i miss doing a ton of fucking drugs. i miss not remembering if something happened this morning, yesterday, or the day before. i miss fucking around in class. i miss everything. growing up is just fucking stupid. just. fucking. stupid. i want to be 16 again. i want to fall in love again. i want to get high again. i want to live again. 1 comments .comment.

[21 May 2007|12:13am] HI NEW PUPPY THAT I FOUND IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE! you are now mine forever and for always. (ps- she is named jupiter because thats the name of the road i found her on. HOW SAD) 4 comments .comment.

[25 Mar 2007|12:04am] the last thing i ever wanted to do was drag someone behind me. turns out it was more than just one person. my heart hurts too much. 1 comments .comment.

[28 Apr 2006|04:48pm] whats cute... is that it really did hurt my feelings. .comment.

[27 Apr 2006|07:13pm] so. my mom was just yelling at me because i did something really stupid and got caught. and it was a serious yelling. I mean...she was pissed. but then. she told me to clean the gutters this weekend. and i laughed really hard. me? clean the gutters? so, she got more pissed off. and that is that. .comment.

[22 Apr 2006|11:50pm] he thinks i overreact. i think he doesnt see the whole picture. this is leading to serious problems. .comment.

[22 Apr 2006|10:00pm] December 12, 2004 - Tennesse. i still havent ever had a better night. 1 comments .comment.

[19 Apr 2006|11:04pm] what is up with everyone TRYING to make me feel like garbage? this is not a fun time, kids. not at all. .comment.

[14 Apr 2006|02:13pm] i think there is a point in every persons life when they realize that nothing is ever going to be easy. when i wake up tomorrow morning, everything isnt just going to go away. i've got to deal with myself. its like reading a book with blank pages. why the hell keep looking when theres nothing to read? becuase you're writing the fucking story, idiot. what if i dont want to write the story anymore? you dont have a fucking choice. I am an 18 year old girl who is really fucking afraid to grow up. did i fuck up my chances way back freshman year? no, cant be. cant be some little 14 year old fucked up her life over some weed. nah. too bad its a very real possibilty. what about all those kids, those fuckers who do the IB program? those kids...they're going places. even if they have no idea what theyre doing, its alright. because they have the determination and motivation. i go to middle college. can that even be considered high school? im going to a community college with the hopes of transfering out. changing from who i am now to a responsible adult will be the hardest thing i've ever done. i quit my job becuase i didnt like my new boss. no one liked him. but i had to be a hardass and quit. way to go, amanda. now you dont have a job or any money. and all those other fuckers who hated him just as much as you and deicded to eat his shit, well. they get a nice fat check every god damn week. but, what the fuck. im supposed to waste my time taking shit from some guy cause he thinks hes something fucking special? im supposed to value my happiness on the amount of money that gets put in my fucking bank account? theres a boy. that i love. but he breaks my heart almost every day. is that part of a relationship? am i supposed to deal with this for right now? is it supposed to be alot better later? or am i wasting my time tied down to him? am i only still with him becuase i want someone to call me every night and care how my day was? are we only still together because we promised each other that we always would be? theres a scar on my body that i sometimes wish would be an open wound again. does that make me selfish? to wish something stupid like that? if i really and truely had the choice, would i want to die? i doubt it. i have everything and nothing to live for. this book gets more and more interesting with ever blank page. 1 comments .comment.

[15 Mar 2006|11:37pm] i am sonny fucking moore, bitch. 1 comments .comment.

[16 Feb 2006|08:58pm] blah blah blah. today everything that could possibly go wrong, went wrong. im tired of fucking doing drugs. im tired of trying to make us better. i dont even know if we can get better after all this. i love him. i would die before leaving him, but after today its obvious that he has absolutly zero trust in me. one day we're perfect, the next day we're pointless. all i know is that we'll always have each other. through all the perfect days and all the seemingly pointless ones. im so fucking happy that im fucking graduating this year. i couldnt fucking take middle college for a third year. all those new fucking freshmen are fucking stupid. plus, i hear through the grapevine that a bunch of fucking faggots from grimsley are fucking coming here next year. you guys fucking suck, and so does your god damn school. college is going to blow ballsack. does anyone else beside me think that its a bad idea to stay home for another two years and just go to community college? after that i would trasfer out. its probably the best choice because for my degree i have to go to grauate school, and community college would give me two years to save up alot of my money for that. in the long run it will pay off. but right now all i want to do is move in with him and have a life together. waiting two more years will hurt alot worse, but it would most definitly pay off. plus, if i'm still with him in two years, through all the bullshit that is bound to come our way, then i can be absolutly positive that this is what i want. not that im not positive now, but we're still really young. the years ahead of us are the years that make people who they are. today, even with the hurtfull accustions and mean remarks (on both our parts), i still love him more than i can even explain. i've felt that way since april 9th, 2005 and i know i'll feel that way tomorrow. and the day after. and the day after. but once you get past so many days after you can be so sure everything will be the same. so, i will take us day by day. i will take school day by day. i will take drugs day by day. and i will take myself day. by. day. there are two people, besides my family, that i know i will always be able to call at 3 am really drunk. and as stupid as that sounds, thats how i know they love me. go figure. i am not afraid to give away my whole self to someone today, out of fear that tomorrow they wont want it anymore. day by day. 2 comments .comment.

[02 Jan 2006|07:36pm] DEAR AUTUMN, yeah, thats right. i typed your name. i know you cant get the balls to type mine because you want to pretend it wasnt about me, but im not fucking scared of you. at all. i fucking hate you...really, i do. so get over it. seriously. get. over. it. if i ever see you up at my work, i really dont even care. im just like "huh, theres that whore." so, stop making me waste my time with you. you dont deserve it. happy fucking new year, loverface.

[27 Jul 2005|03:56pm] 1. Open up any blank Word document. 2. Type Q33 NY in capitals, which was the flight number of the 1st plane to hit the WTC. 3. Highlight it. 4. Change the font size to 48. 5. Change the actual font to Wingdings (1) what are the chances? 2 comments .comment.

[26 Mar 2005|12:42am] http://www.battleofthebands.com/battlebak/bb9/bands/anywherebutherenc Go there and listen to both songs all the way through, please. Those are the ABH boys I'm always rambling about. Even if you dont like the music, just turn your speakers off and let it play through. I know Ive voted for someones friends band on my friends list before. IF YOURE A TRUE LIVEJOURNAL BUDDY YOU'LL DO IT. 1 comments .comment.

[12 Mar 2005|09:52pm] There is shit so much more important then this. How many kids under 18 have died in the past three months? How many newspaper headlines have I seen with something like "Wreak leaves two teens dead and one injured"? Sometimes it amazes me how immature I can be. I'm not going to waste my time with this "Oh, shit. Theres the whores" bullshit. Or "That kid is a fucking faggot." I'm not saying I'm going to stop talking shit, because I dont think that's gonna happen. Its too hard. But I'll sure as hell bite my tongue alot more. As much as I cant stand these certain people, if something happened to them and I never got a chance to clear the air with them, I'd be fucking devastated. Sometimes you have to let shit roll and not bother with defending yourself. 5 comments .comment.

[03 Mar 2005|08:12am] Uhhh. Friends cut. If I cut you, I dont like you slash know you slash care about your entries at all. If I kept you, I wanna do you. The end. 8 comments .comment.

[18 May 2004|10:21pm] [ music | Your Song- JamisonParker ] Thanks sam_xix_am for the banner. :-D 22 comments .comment.

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